May 7, 2013

Challenge Catch Up: Looking back, and Looking ahead

Whew, Busy weekend &  Busy Monday = One blogger with over due challenge posts!
Here they come!!!
Day 4, 5, 6 & 7!!

Day 4: List 5 things you would tell your 16 year-old self if you could.

16 years old! WOW! Let's see that would put me at a Junior in High School! and because this is my blog challenge and i'm sitting here in a funk! Im going to revise it and say what would I tell myself in my high school/early 20 years!

1) Go to college!!!!!!! I was offered an opportunity to go to a college about 3 hours away & have a spot on the swim team (I was a big swimmer growing up, and competed on teams in middle and high school) But sadly I choose to not go, because I couldn't leave my boyfriend!! At that point Alan and I were dating 2.5 years. He had already been away at the Navy so I knew we could do long distance. But I didn't want to "lose him" in turn I missed out on a good opportunity! Good thing we are now married, makes the sting a little better!

2) Finish school! Once I decided that I was going to give up on the opportunity above, I enrolled into a local technical college! However putting in almost 2 years, I dropped out when I had Kalen! At the time I thought it was "too hard". I wanted to be home with him! Well! Looking back I wish that I had stayed in! Going back to school now would be an absolute nightmare with two young kids, a hubby who works 40+ hours & my 30 hour a week job! 

3) Popularity is nothing! I spent way to much time in high school worrying about what people thought about me and if they would accept me! 

4) Keep working out! I had an amazing body in high school and my early 20's! I was on the swim team, I worked out! It was great! I didn't realize how much I was actually doing for my body until I stopped it all and gained weight! 

5) Do it! So many things I missed out on because I was worried about the repercussion! And the only thing your left with is "What if...." I HATE What If's

Day 5: What are the 5 things that make you happiest right now?

1) My kids! They are my pride and joy! I was put on the earth to be a mom. As much as I could rip my hair out somedays there is no other place I'd rather be, then home with them! I LOVE it! Watching them grow and seeing new things everyday is so rewarding! I also love big families! Alan and I want at least 4 kids ;) I would even like 6! and yes Im a freak with numbers! Maybe because I was 1 out of 3! But I want my kids in even numbers, so that everyone always has someone! 

2) & 3) My Hubby & LIVING IN MY HOUSE! That's right you heard me! living here in our own home makes me the HAPPIEST! because all though we have owned it for almost 4 years now! We just "moved" back in, in January! yeah! you read that right! We moved out of our home, shut everything down and moved in with my mom, dad and sisters for 1 year! From Dec 2011 - Jan 2013! 13 months! Alan had lost his painting job with the union when his current company he was working for went under in 2009. After 2 years of being in and out of temp jobs, and not hearing anything back from the union (he was on the wait list) We were out of money. All of our savings account was drained! We weren't even living pay check to pay check, bills collected, and it came down to choosing between buying food or diapers for Kal! Not to mention that I was preggos with Brynn! Something needed to be done! and Thankfully My family came to the rescue! They allowed us to move into their finished basement!! If it wasn't for them, I truly do NOT know where we would be! Alan has now been employed for almost a year (July 2012) he started with a union company (which he got by being referred, and he has flown to the top!) He is their head painter who manages one of their biggest accounts! Im so proud of him!! Because of him, his hard work and dedication to his job and this family! We were able to save while being out at my moms and now are able to live comfortably again in our own home! It feels amazing to have my family back together under our own roof!!! 

4) Weather: I Seriously think that I hit some weird seasonal sadness being cooped up all winter long! The sun is just really good mojo! I love that the weather is beautiful (mainly 70's here), windows open, shorts on, the sun is out longer! LOVE IT! Puts my in a good mood! and when mama bird is happy, the whole house is happy ;)

5) Job! So many people take having a job for granted! I have unfortunately learned the hard way how appreciative to be for being employed! It is truly a blessing to be able to "go to work"

Day 6: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

Sadly this is a toss up! As most of you know from reading my past posts my dad and I were in a TERRIBLE car accident! Both almost losing our lives! (you can check out the post here) But as much as I want to say that this is, I don't remember a lot of it. Was it painful... yes, do I still have repercussions... yes. But I had modern day medicine, doctors and family and friends to pull me thru! (ps Jazzy I still have the pink unicorn you gave me)
I truly think that the the hardest thing EVER was finding out that we had Miscarried our first child! That was absolutely gut wrenching! It is still so raw and becomes a really emotional topic! Alan and I were going in to have our first ultrasound at 10 weeks along! The ultra sound tech started right away. She showed us the baby on the viewing screen! Beautiful! I teared up and quickly looked over to see Alan's reaction! It had hit him, he was gonna be a daddy and that was his little baby! He had the biggest smile! I feel in love with him all over again! (cheesy I know) The tech went on to do her measurments. She told us she'd be right back, that she wanted to grab someone!! When she came back in she told us that our doctor actually had an opening and he wanted to go over the results for us! Alan and I went upstairs and checked in at the front desk! She had know idea why we were there or anything, she didn't understand why lab would send us up for results! She went back to check with the doctor and after 5 minutes (the longest 5 mins of my life, at this point my mind was racing, why were they so confused and not expecting us?) we were called back! The doctor walked in, sat down looked at us both and said "i'm sorry, there is not other way to tell you this... but you have lost the baby" My heart sank, how could this be! I didn't have any pains, no blood. Jaw dropped, Tears began immedietely. He continued on, and quite frankly it was as if he was charlie browns teachers. He talked and I heard nothing! My world was ending! I was devastated. There are no other words to describe it! He told me that I should begin experiencing pain and have blood as the baby detached itself. I spent all my days crying, I wouldn't leave the bed! How could this happen! After days of no pain, I told my mom and alan that he was wrong. My baby was alive. The day before my scheduled d&c, I was in such denial that my baby was gone that my mom took me up to the emergency room,  just to make sure their wasn't a heartbeat! As much as I needed it, it was just as hard to hear the news again that I was carrying a baby that wasn't alive! The d&c itself was another hard event! The doctor was late to the procedure because she was delivering a baby!!! Can we talk about a punch in the gut. Some lucky mother was going to enjoy her baby, while I had to have mine taken from me! After the procedure was finally done! The doctor woke me up! She said "Ok Jennifer, It's time to wake up, It's all gone" "IT'S all gone?" Is this bitch nuts! That "it" was my child, my first "born" that I was never going to meet!! This was my turn around in life (mind you the car accident with my dad happened that same year, 2011 was nasty to me) I slipped into a depression, I hated seeing pregnant women! Slowly I came out of it after talking to a psychatrist. We started trying again for the baby that we now call Kalen! I worried that once I got pregnant again would I lose him, would I forget about my "first child"! I was skeptical! My unborn baby had the due date of June 30th!! (to this day we still say a little prayer and think about our baby that should still be with us)  I call Kalen my sign! His due date too was June 30th! It was like my little baby in heaven was telling me that it's ok to move on! It's truly unbelievable how events turn out!

Day 7: What is your dream job, and why?

Love this question! Because my dream JOB is finally becoming a reality! It had ALWAYS been my dream to be a in-home daycare provider! I love watching kiddos, (babies and toddlers in particular) I always wanted to provide care in my home so that I can also be a "stay at home" mom so that I too can watch my kiddos grow up while still making money and having them around other children for social interaction! It's a win win on all accounts! With that said, I have the perfect layout in my basement to start my daycare! an oversized living room, with a bathroom, bedroom and walk in closet. This June and July we will be cleaning and reorganizing the entire basement. dun dun dun :/ ugh!! I will also be interviewing local daycares, viewing what their curriculum looks like, what are their prices, policy, etc etc. To get ideas and to form my own! Come august it will be time to paint and set everything up! Im so excited my dad is REALLY crafty! And will be making me a lot of my cubbies for the toys and coats! I will also be conducting interviews and have my doors open after labor day this September when the other schools begin their sessions! I look forward to seeing this dream job, become my reality! 

Whew! What a post! Thanks for catching up with me! 
What do you think? Anything you would go back and tell yourself? What's the hardest thing you had to face? What makes you happy? What's your dream job?
I wanna know! Tell me! 

Stay Tuned for Day 8 Tomorrow! And later today, I've got an update on our crazy weekend!

 X's & O's 


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